Okay, here it is. My son is 4.5 years old and still drinks from a bottle. In fact, the majority of his nutrition comes from a bottle. This is not going to be easy but now I’m going to double down. Not only does he still drink 5 bottles each day but I give him the bottle. As in, I hold the bottle and feed him like a baby. *cringes in shame* 

This is very hard to admit for just anyone in the world to see. There needs to be a “shame” font for this kind of thing. Seriously though, it feels like a Mom fail of epic proportions. It feels like a dirty little secret because you must be thinking “How on Earth has she not weaned him off the bottle by now??”

Well, do you want the top 10 reasons or all of them? Just kidding, I will stick to the main reasons. 

Reason #1

It became a deeply ingrained routine long ago. If you know anything about Autism you know how important routines are in their little worlds. Well, this goes a step further. It was crucial to maintain a routine to get him to drink his bottles when we were really going through major feeding struggles with him as a baby. The most important thing was to get the nutrition in him. I felt the threat of a feeding tube hovering around me at all times.

At some point, he couldn’t break from the routine of it. Drinking his bottle had to be the same way, same place on the couch (literally), same person (me), same words, same everything. I kept thinking he’s got to be done drinking the bottle before too long but here we still are. 

It’s too easy to second guess myself now. All the shoulda, coulda, woulda’s that fly around my brain. I have to remind myself the struggle was so real and I did whatever it took to keep him off a feeding tube and that’s a Mom win for me.

Don’t rewrite history in your brain while beating yourself up. In fact, just stop beating yourself up PERIOD. Can we make a pact? I’ll stop if you will.

Reason #2

Serious motor planning and fine motor delays. For a very long time, Landon didn’t have the capability of even finding his mouth with a bottle much less holding it there for a few minutes while he drank it. His motor planning only recent allows him to drink from a cup but that’s a whole other story.

He’s also worked really hard to get his hand strength up so he can even hold a bottle or cup. Why isn’t he holding his own bottle then if his hands are finally strong enough? See Reason #1.

Reason #3

It became a power play. I was surprised the first time one of his therapists told me it was a way of him gaining control. How could a toddler even think that way? The more I thought about it, I realized it was probably true. He probably felt out of control of a lot of things in his world. This was one thing he could control because I would jump through any hoop he threw my way to get him to drink his bottle. 

Part of my feelings of failure come from what a detriment it is to stay on a bottle for this long. It’s terrible for his teeth but that’s a luxury we can’t worry about yet. It also causes delays in speech. We don’t need any help with that. The guilt can eat you alive if you let it. 

Bottom line…what we do for our kids should never feel like a shameful, dirty little secret. You do what you gotta do and don’t worry about what you’re “supposed” to be doing on someone else’s timeline or what anyone else thinks.

As parents we may not always have the answer but we always have our child’s best interests at heart and that is all that matters.